Who could have predicted how weird 2020 would be? I certainly couldn’t.
Like many people, I was stuck inside for a couple months when my state implemented lockdown measures in March. I initially (and stupidly) thought I would enjoy having time off of work. Oh, how wrong I was. Monotony dominated my days. Every day was the same, and blurred into the next. I went stir-crazy inside. It turns out that not having to do anything can make you feel a little restless. I was used to having a loosely structured schedule of working five days a week and having two days off. My job, while not difficult, forced me to exert some mental and physical energy. I was deeply unprepared for not having any scheduled outlets for my energy and anxiety. I was also used to having a relatively regular income, with enough money for bills, rent, food and a little left over. Lockdown effectively cut me off from my regular routines and livelihood. I was scared for my own health and safety, as well as the health and safety of my family, my friends, and the public at large. The uncertainty of being in continued lockdown coupled with zero income and the worsening pandemic compounded these issues. I eventually cultivated other outlets, but it took some time. (More on those other outlets later.)
One foggy morning, I woke before the sunrise filled with anxiety. In desperation, I made an impulsive decision and set off for a walk to my local forest preserve with my camera. I made a return trip not long after that first morning.
Escaping the monotony of being inside was a welcome respite. Even if it was just a walk through a forest preserve and not a full immersion in a remote locale full of nature, I felt calm, calmer than I had in quite some time. It gave me a chance to focus on something other than my worries, to channel my restlessness, to be productive and creative. I got to disconnect. Something about being outside is restorative. I’m not often awake for most sunrises, but the morning light glinting through dew on tree branches, casting a mysterious air on the heavy fog, felt magical. I tried to capture some of that feeling in my photos that foggy morning. I can still feel a bit of that when I look at those pictures, that release and relief I felt. I returned home cold, my hands numb and my shoes soaked, but satisfied. It was enough to motivate me, to show me that if I leaned hard on my hobbies, I could make it through lockdown with some sanity intact.
